


Metall/u/rgy drabbles

by KB9VCN



Series: Metall/u/rgy [3]
Category: Metall/u/rgy
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:03:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 67
Words: 7,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/6604894/navigate">full-page index</a> for characters in each chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bringing The Bling (Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Apr-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[onomatopoeia](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.
> 
>  **EDIT:** Replaced the human names per request/suggestion to follow _Metall/u/rgy_ convention.

Silver was reviewing some investments and trades in her study when she heard the familiar jangle of jewelry. _Uh oh,_ she thought. _Distraction is imminent._

Gold sashayed through the open doorway, wearing a relatively modest yet extremely tight dress and enough gold jewelry to fill a pawn shop counter. "Hello dah-ling," she lilted. "My fashion shoot ended early... are you not surprised to see me?"

"I could hear your bling 'blinging' from the other side of the house," Silver said. "Honestly, between that tight dress and the weight of all that jewelry, I'm surprised that you can even move."

Gold slithered up to Silver and draped herself all over her partner. "If my dress and jewelry concern you, dah-ling," she purred, "then you should take them off me as quickly as possible."

Silver sighed. "Goldie, please. I still need to get all this work done today."

Gold stood up, but then she casually brushed the papers from Silver's desk, and then she reclined on the desk in front of Silver. "What could be more important than the 'golden opportunity' that lies before you now?" Gold asked seductively.

_I'm not getting any more work done today,_ Silver thought to herself sadly.


	2. Aqua Regia (Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Apr-2016; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[anticipation](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains nudity and adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Gold was relaxing in a full bath. Silver kneeled behind her in a bathrobe, carefully shampooing her hair.

"This feels sooooooo wonderful," Gold said. "I feel like I could melt away and dissolve into this bath."

"Don't do that," Silver said as she stood up and shrugged off her bathrobe. "You'd miss the best part."

"You mean there's 'more'?" Gold said eagerly. "You're really giving me the 'royal' treatment, dah-ling."

"You should know by now," Silver said as she slid in behind Gold, "that I hate to leave work unfinished."

Gold shivered lightly in anticipation of her lover's golden touch.


	3. Lingerie Double Play (Copper, Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Apr-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[leopard print underwear](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3181743.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains the /u/sual adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

At Copper's request, Gold and Silver were celebrating Copper's birthday with gifts and a quiet family dinner with Electrum, instead of one of Gold's extravagant parties.

Copper opened a large gift-box and held up a set of sexy lingerie. "Um, I think you gave me a present that you had put in storage for someone else," she said.

"Oh no, dah-ling," Gold said. "Those are specifically for you."

"...oh," Copper nervously said to Gold. "Well, um, thank you—"

"Actually," Silver said, "those are from me."

Copper blinked in confusion. "Wait— WHAT?"

"You remind me how serious I was when I was your age," Silver said affectionately. "Your education is important, but you should also have some fun while you're young."

"...oh," Copper said again. "Well, thanks... I guess. As long as neither of you are asking me to model them—"

"What a lovely idea!" Gold suddenly said. "I have a lingerie shoot next week. You should come with me and—"

"NO," an extremely embarrassed Copper said, as Electrum giggled.

An unusually flirtatious Silver smiled slyly. "When you and your lady-friend Zinc get together, maybe you could ask HER to take some pictures—"

"NO," an even more extremely embarrassed Copper said.


	4. Aluminum Foiled (Aluminum, Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains extremely cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"What have you been up to lately?" Silver asked Aluminum, trying to keep the peace between her and Gold at a dinner party.

"Oh, the usual wildly successful international business deals," Aluminum said casually. "We should work together sometime."

"Thank you," Silver said nervously while glancing at Gold, "but that really wouldn't be a good idea."

"Please?" a playfully seductive Aluminum asked. "You should 'go public' with your 'silver tongue' IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN—"

Gold suddenly lunged at Silver and embraced her tightly. "MINE," Gold growled.

"[* _bbl bbl bbl_ *](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF-U9nL9Ios&t=0m33s)" Silver said from behind a faceful of Gold's bosom.


	5. Ironed Out (Iron, Nickel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-May-2016; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[always the same routine. Always the same room. But, from the single high window in that room, I could see the stars slowly change their positions every night](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

Nickel stopped by Iron's executive office before heading home for the day. She found Iron standing at her office window and staring at the late-evening sky.

"Are you OK, boss?" Nickel asked gently.

Iron sighed. "I'm tired, dear. I think I'm starting to 'burn out'."

"You'll never burn out," Nickel said admiringly. "You're as sure and steady as the stars in the sky."

"Ah," Iron said, "but those stars will eventually run out of nuclear fuel, and the brightest will end with [an iron core](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron#Nucleosynthesis) under unimaginable pressure, and then EXPLODE."

"Maybe you ARE working too hard," Nickel said nervously.


	6. Oxygenation (Oxygen, Tungsten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-May-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I'm the breeze / I don't linger anywhere](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> Babby's First Metall/u/rgy Crack Pairing (the soldier and the hippie).
> 
> This contains contagious casual nudity. Reader discretion is advised.

Tungsten was riding a dirt-bike along her favorite trail on a hot summer day. She crested a small hill and suddenly came up alongside a half-naked hippie snoozing next to a road-worn camper-van on a gravel access road.

She shut off her dirt-bike, took off her helmet, and raised a hand in greeting. "Sorry to disturb you."

The topless Oxygen made no effort to cover herself. "No worries," she said. "Oxygen. How's it goin'."

"Tungsten. Pleased to meet you. How did you end up out here? The road isn't even marked."

Oxygen shrugged. "Never been here before. Won't stay long. Want a beer?"

"Please," a thirsty Tungsten said.

Oxygen opened a cooler next to her lounge-chair and tossed a cold one to Tungsten. "Take the load off," she said. "And why don't you take your shirt off."

"...excuse me?" Tungsten asked.

"It'll be awkward if only one of us is topless," Oxygen said. "And it's wicked hot out here, and I don't feel like putting a shirt on."

Tungsten had taken no notice of the heat. But, despite her military discipline, she found herself being pulled into Oxygen's pace.

"Yeah, alright," said Tungsten, as she pulled off her own shirt.


	7. Brass Derailing (Copper, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-May-2016; angst; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[yesterday you waited for me / today I wait for you](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

Copper ran up to Zinc. "I'm so sorry!" Copper cried. "My evening lecture ran long."

"Don't worry, hon," said Zinc. "I had to cancel on you last Thursday because of Iron."

Copper looked down. "Zinc? We've broken more dates than we've actually had. It's almost like someone is trying to tell us something. Do you think we should call it quits?"

A unusually emotional Zinc hugged Copper tightly. "No," she said. "I don't want that at all. You don't really want that, do you?"

Copper tearfully returned Zinc's embrace. "No, I don't," Copper sniffled. "I really, REALLY don't want that."


	8. Doughnut Case (Mercury, Uranium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the sun has dimmed, the moon has begun to burn](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

Uranium walked into her work-area's employee lounge and found a despondent Mercury doing a face-desk.

"Problem?" Uranium asked as she sat next to her eccentric friend.

Mercury looked up with tearful eyes. "Someone," she said with trembling lip, "already ate the doughnut with colored sprinkles from today's box of doughnuts."

"The FIEND," an amused Uranium said. "Still, you could always go get another one, especially since YOU DON'T EVEN WORK HERE."

Mercury suddenly forgot her doughnut DRAMA. "I make it a point," she said proudly, "to work as little as possible EVERYWHERE."

"That might be for the best," Uranium noted.


	9. HOLY S*** IT'S BISMUTH (Bismuth, Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I am a lover of all her forms / of she who flirts with light and shadow](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.
> 
> Title and inspiration taken from [this image macro](https://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/bismuth.jpg).

Silver was visiting Gold in her dressing room when an intense woman with multi-colored hair suddenly appeared.

"BIS-muth DAH-ling!" Gold cried.

"GOL-dee DAH-ling!" Bismuth cried.

They air-kissed each others' cheeks loudly. "* _MWAH_ *! * _MWAH_ *!"

"Have you met SIL-vah?" Gold asked.

Bismuth suddenly grabbed Silver's face. "Oh DAH-ling! DO use more concealer! And perhaps a coral blush?"

"Uh..." Silver said nervously.

Bismuth pushed a business card at Silver. "Facial and make-over, at Vanadium's salon, nine AM tomorrow."

"But..." Silver said weakly.

"MUST dash," Bismuth declared. "Tah TAH, dah-lings."

"Your stylist?" Silver asked after Bismuth left.

"Yes," Gold said, "and apparently, yours too."


	10. All Tomorrow's Parties (Gold, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jun-2016; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[somewhere in the desert there's a forest](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[All Tomorrow's Parties](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Tomorrow%27s_Parties)" by the Velvet Underground.

Silver was lounging by the punch bowl at one of Gold's parties, occasionally flirting or making small talk, but feeling out of place.

Gold made her way through the crowd to Silver's side and hugged Silver. "Everything OK?" Silver asked.

"Yes," Gold said. "I just felt a bit lonely."

"You could have your choice of any of these beautiful people," Silver asked, "and you still came back to me?"

"A party guest is for one night," Gold said, "but it takes someone special to indulge a clingy high-maintenance socialite for life."

"Not complaining," Silver said. "I was feeling lonely too."


	11. Thinking In Zinc (Copper, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Jun-2016; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[but you can hope for anything](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains CuZn Cute Overload. Reader discretion is advised.

"So," Zinc said to Copper over dinner. "Where do you see yourself— and us— in a few years?"

Copper suddenly choked on her pasta. "Where did THAT question come from!?" she gasped.

"No pressure," Zinc said reassuringly. "But I'd love to hear your hopes, wishes, and dreams."

"Well," Copper stammered, "I'll g-g-get my d-d-degree, and g-g-get a good j-j-job, and m-m-maybe settle d-d-down with you?" 

Zinc held Copper's hand, smiled sweetly, and nodded. But she was also Squeeing Internally.

 _She is SO. FREAKING. CUTE,_ Zinc thought. _I'm going to 'WIFE' her HARDER than ANY WIFE has EVER been WIFE'D BEFORE._


	12. Go Go Godzilla (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the sea is rising... and the world is sand](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Godzilla](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godzilla_\(song\))" by Blue Oyster Cult.

Chlorine and Mercury were spending a day at the beach. Chlorine returned from a lengthy swim to find Mercury sculpting a detailed sand castle complete with moat and surrounding buildings.

"You should've built this further back from the water," Chlorine said. "The tide will just wash it away in an hour or so."

"Oh, this city is already DOOMED," Mercury said darkly.

"...huh?" said Chlorine.

Mercury suddenly curled up her arms, shrieked like a giant lizard, and stomped all over her castle.

 _This woman is pushing FIFTY,_ Chlorine thought, _and she's playing Godzilla in public?... I love her SO MUCH._


	13. Iron Fist (Iron, Nickel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Jun-2016; drama/humor?; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I'll wait, so show me why you're strong](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place some time after the previous Iron and Nickel drabble. EDIT: Continued in "[Only Human](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6604894/chapters/16352933)."
> 
> Iron is about a head taller than most of the other elements, and I believe someone said she's "frickin' huge." You Wouldn't Like Her When She's Angry.
> 
> This contains graphic violence, adult language and themes, and dark humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Iron stormed down an office hallway and up to a beverage vending machine facing some cubicles. Nickel ran to keep up behind her.

"Iron, PLEASE!" Nickel cried. "You've been awake for almost thirty hours! You need SLEEP, not coffee!"

"Get OFF my BACK, Nickel!" an exhausted Iron snarled as she struggled to order coffee from the machine. "You KNOW the contracts can't wait!"

"But—" Nickel started to say.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!" Iron suddenly shrieked— at the vending machine. "CAN I JUST GET A FUCKING COFFEE!?"

And then, to Nickel's horror, Iron effortlessly punched her fist through the glass front of the vending machine.

Silence fell over the cubicles. Staff froze in the aisles and 'prairie-dogged' from their cubicles to stare at Iron.

"WHAT!?" Iron yelled. "HAVEN'T ANY OF YOU SEEN SOMEONE HAVE A COMPLETE MELTDOWN IN PUBLIC BEFORE!?"

Nickel swallowed heavily and gathered up all of her nerve. "Iron, I've had enough of your SHIT. You have two choices. You can let me take you to the ER for stitches and SEDATIVES, and let me help finalize the contracts LATER... or you can FIND ANOTHER ASSISTANT."

Iron suddenly crumbled. "...fine. I can't sign anything with this busted-up hand anyway."


	14. Teenagers With Frickin' Laser Beams (Molybdenum, Tantalum, Technetium, Uranium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Jun-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[make and mend](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [sharks with frickin' laser beams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh7bYNAHXxw) (or not...)
> 
> This takes place some time after "[Lifesaver](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5762629)."

Tantalum was giving Technetium a routine check-up while Molybdenum and Uranium watched.

After awhile, Tantalum set down her diagnostic tablet and smiled. "Everything looks great, Techy. Keep up the good work."

"Cool," Technetium said. "How soon can you build a laser beam into me?"

Tantalum raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want a laser beam?"

"To deliver JUSTICE!" Technetium declared. "I'm a cyborg girl with a tragic past. According to all the comic books I've read, I'm supposed to start delivering JUSTICE soon." She pointed a synthetic finger and made cute little "PEW PEW PEW" noises.

Molybdenum patted her daughter's head. "Let's finish school before you start delivering JUSTICE, sweetie," she said indulgently.

Technetium and Molybdenum left, but Tantalum held Uranium back. "Ura? Out of scientific curiousity. We couldn't actually give her a laser... could we?"

"Not as a practical weapon," Uranium said. "The military has weapons-grade lasers that can be mounted on armored vehicles and helicopters, but they would be too heavy for a teenager, cyborg or no."

"It's actually a relief to hear that," Tantalum said.

"Agreed," an amused Uranium said. "Techy is an amazing girl, but as Moly said, she isn't ready to deliver JUSTICE just yet."


	15. Winter Is Coming (Indium, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[when I think of winter](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This might be alt-universe, as I don't know if Mercury works in television. Of course, NOBODY knows what Mercury is ever actually doing at ALL...

Indium was anchoring the nine o'clock news. "And now," she said, "with tomorrow's weather, here's Mercury— unfortunately."

"Haters Gonna Hate," said Mercury with a telegenic smile. "We're expecting the first heavy snowfall of the season tomorrow, and GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

Indium pulled a face off-camera. "...WHAT," she said flatly.

Mercury waved her arms in the air. "POLAR VORTEX!!" she cried. "STORM OF THE CENTURY!! SNOW UP TO OUR FREAKIN' EYEBALLS!! EEEEEEEE!!"

Indium held her face in her hands. "WHY are you ALLOWED on the AIR," she whimpered.

"Because I make the weather interesting," Mercury said proudly.


	16. School Bus Pass (Electrum, Silver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[how I lived a childhood in the snow](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

Gold's driver was busy. Silver was driving Electrum to school herself. "Thank you again," Electrum said politely.

"I didn't want you walking ten miles in the snow, uphill both ways, like when I was your age," Silver joked awkwardly.

"I'm just grateful that I don't have to ride the school bus with the other students," Electrum said.

Silver frowned. _I don't like the sound of that,_ she thought.

"Packed in a crowded bus, BREATHING on each other, and catching HORRIBLE DISEASES from each other? EEUGH!!"

 _That isn't exactly snobbish,_ a even more worried Silver thought, _but it's also profoundly mysophobic._


	17. Birds Gotta Swim, Fish Gotta Fly (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[what fish feel, what birds feel](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> Mercury is now officially my Metall/u/rgy waifu.
> 
> This contains cartoon physics and slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Chlorine was swimming laps in a training pool when Mercury floated up— a meter above the water.

"Whassup, Chloe?" said Mercury. "I mean, besides ME."

A dumbfounded Chlorine tread water. "I'm gonna skip 'WHAT!?'," she said, "and start with 'HOW!?'"

"I'm just testing the personal anti-gravity machine that I built last weekend," Mercury said.

"You built an ANTI-GRAVITY PACK in your APARTMENT!?" Chlorine asked. "That's AMAZING!!"

"It still has some bugs," Mercury said modestly. "For example, it doesn't work over water."

"...Mercury? Sweetie?" Chlorine said nervously. "You're hovering above a swimming pool."

Mercury looked down. "Uh oh," she squeaked.

* _ **SPLASH**_ *!!


	18. Avant Garde A Clue (Lead, Tin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[invisible guests come in and out at will](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains juvenile sound-effects humor. Reader discretion is advised.

With Lead behind her, Tin sat at her digital-audio workstation computer and loaded an audio file.

"I'm surprised that Neon used one of your organ-recital recordings in a dance remix," Lead said.

"Neon is wildly creative and widely respected. It's really an honor," Tin gushed. "OK, here it is."

They listened for a minute or so. "...well, it's certainly eclectic, isn't it," Lead noted.

"I like how the yodeler fades in and out," Tin said, "and the digeridoo is a nice touch."

"Is that rumbling sound something rubbing against leather?" Lead asked.

"I HOPE that's what it is," Tin said nervously.


	19. My Name Is Mud Run (Aluminium, Mercury, Tungsten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[by land or water, girl, get outta town](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

Tungsten had taken an early lead in a 5K "mud-run" event. But then, Aluminum suddenly ran past her as if her life depended on it.

 _What is that idiot doing?_ Tungsten thought. _She might have passed me, but there's no way she can win if she doesn't pace herself—_

A vaguely Mercury-shaped lump of mud suddenly passed her as well. "AAAALLLLLLLLIIIIEEEEEEEE!!" it cried. "LET ME LOVE YOU!!"

 _Now I understand,_ Tungsten thought, _and I Ain't Even Mad. I might have fallen into third place behind Mercury, but I'd rather have a clinically-insane meteorologist turned mud-monster LEADING me than CHASING me._


	20. Weeded Out (Oxygen, Potassium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[and then I fell asleep in a strange field](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains silly gratuitous nudity. Reader discretion is advised.

Oxygen had parked her camper-van, walked some distance to a spring, and enjoyed a lengthy skinny-dip.

As the sun was setting, she finally got out and looked around. _Where did I leave my clothes?_ she thought.

_No worries. I'll leave them and go back to the camper... Where did I leave the CAMPER?_

_No worries. It's a warm night. I'll just sleep at the edge of that vegetable patch._

—

Early the next morning, Potassium set out to weed the patch, but froze in surprise.

 _That's the strangest weed I've ever seen,_ Potassium thought. _It looks just like a naked hippie._


	21. Nickel Tickle (Nickel, Platinum)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[what could I have said to raise you from the dead?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> Nickel is OBVIOUSLY ticklish. It even rhymes and everything. (Lucky Chromium!)
> 
> This contains fanon fetish humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Platinum looked in on her roommate, and was distressed to find her still in bed. "Nicky! You'll be late for work!" she cried. "NICKY!! WAKE UP!!"

 _Oh dear,_ Platinum thought. _I don't want to shake her or throw ice water on her face..._

But then, she noticed Nickel's bare waist. _Oh HO,_ a mischievous Platinum thought. She reached down and gently raked Nickel's skin with five long fingernails.

A few seconds and a bloodcurdling scream later, Nickel cowered in a corner. "I'M AWAKE!!" she gasped.

Platinum's ears were still ringing. "And so is everyone else in this hemisphere," she noted.


	22. Only Human (Iron, Nickel, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jun-2016; angst/drama; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I, a single human being](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> Continued from "[Iron Fist](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6604894/chapters/16121164)." I have no plans to continue this drama further.
> 
> Zinc is so far OOC here that this might be alt-universe. But it's interesting to explore situations that finally make a character snap.
> 
> This contains brief violence and adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Nickel was sitting with Iron in a hospital examination room after Iron's hand had been cleaned and bandaged. An exhausted Iron was nodding off.

Zinc suddenly stormed into the room. She stomped up to Iron and slapped Iron's face with all her strength.

 _I've never seen Zinc get angry at all,_ an astonished Nickel thought, _let alone THIS angry._

"I was with COPPER when I got Nickel's message," Zinc said. "Copper overheard what happened, and she's so kind-hearted that she started to cry. YOU made COPPER CRY. And THEN, YOU made ME LEAVE HER ALONE."

Iron remained silent.

"I have stood by you for YEARS," Zinc continued, "while you built walls and destroyed relationships. BUT THIS IS MY LIMIT. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE COPPER CRY AGAIN. UNDERSTOOD!?"

Iron looked away.

"ARRGH!!" Zinc turned to Nickel. "I'm sorry, Nicky. Call me later if you need me. I CANNOT DEAL with this right now!!"

"It's alright," Nickel said. "Go back to Copper."

After Zinc left, Iron began to cry softly. "Why does this keep happening, Nickel?" she asked forlornly. "I'm only human... but I try so hard..."

Nickel gave her boss an awkward side-hug. "You just answered your own question," Nickel said.


	23. Blue Monday (Aluminium, Scandium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Jun-2016; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a man who swallowed a dream](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

"We're budgeting for expenses," Aluminum said to Scandium. "Do you need anything for work? Maybe a new laptop?"

"No, I'm good," Scandium said modestly.

"Are you sure?" Aluminum asked. "Is there anything you want?"

"...a date with you?" Scandium whispered.

"...what!?" Aluminum asked.

"Ohmigosh Imsosorry Ididntmeanit!!" Scandium cried.

Aluminum smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry, Scandium. I didn't realize. If it's ME you want? You can have more than a date."

She looked deeply into Scandium's eyes...

And then, a radio announcer interrupted them with sports scores.

—

Scandium shut off her clock-radio and sighed sadly. _Worst Monday morning wake-up ever,_ she thought.


	24. Forklift Off (Lead, Steel, Terne)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[right on time you get closer and closer](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Monback Brothers Trash Hauling and Storage](http://prairiehome.org/script/monback-october-13-2012).
> 
> I like to imagine that Terne sees the family business' industrial park as her own personal amusement park.

Terne had asked Lead if Steel could try driving a warehouse forklift. But as poor Steel sat timidly in a two-seat forklift, it became obvious to Lead that it was entirely Terne's idea.

"I'm right here, sweetie," Lead said reassuringly to Steel. "Go ahead and back out of the parking spot."

Steel inched the forklift back towards some wooden pallets. Terne stood nearby and gestured. "Monback... monback... monback..."

And then, Steel inched INTO the pallets with horrible crunching noises.

"That's good," Terne lied.

"Terne, honey?" Lead said. "Maybe you shouldn't talk the daughter of a LAWYER into operating heavy machinery."


	25. Twins, Beryllium! Twins! (Aluminium, Beryllium, Rhodium, Ruthenium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Jun-2016; humor; 200 words (100+100).
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[two souls on one holy path](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt. (Moar liek "two souls on one UNholy path" amirite?)
> 
> See also [Twins, Basil! Twins!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpsZQ_8MOSw&t=1m59s)
> 
> This contains surreal kinky adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Aluminum had just left her office for lunch when two identical women approached her. They wore identical black suits, identical braided platinum-blond hair, and identical eerie smiles.

"Can I help you?" an annoyed Aluminum asked.

"The mayor's office has authorized us—"

"—to contact you directly—"

"—regarding a certain matter—"

"—concerning your company."

"What, NOW?" Aluminum asked.

"Please allow us to escort you—"

"—to our private facilities—"

"—we shall provide lunch—"

"—a work area with wifi—"

"—leather straps and handcuffs—"

"—and we shall handle this matter PERSONALLY."

"Wait— what was that next-to-last part again!?" Aluminum yelled as she was escorted away.

—

"...and that's the reason why I couldn't meet you for lunch yesterday," a visibly worn Aluminum said to Beryllium.

Beryllium whistled appreciatively. "I've heard rumors about Ruthenium and Rhodium. You're a braver woman than I am, Allie."

"As a fighter pilot, I learned torture resistance techniques," Aluminum said, "but I need extended 'R and R' after surviving 'R and R'."

"So," Beryllium asked, "did you settle the actual dispute between the mayor's office and your company?"

"Yes," Aluminum said. "It wasn't settled to my satisfaction, but you can't fight City Hall... at least, not while you're grunting through a ballgag."


	26. Who Wants To Live Forever (Mercury, Uranium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[we won't grow old together](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Who Wants To Live Forever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jtpf8N5IDE)" by Queen.

Uranium found Mercury crunching numbers on her souped-up steampunk laptop. "More immortality research?" she asked.

"Yep," Mercury said. "I'm almost ready to start anti-aging treatments on Chloe."

Like most of Mercury's friends, Uranium could not deny Mercury's amazing youthfulness, but she remained skeptical. "Be careful, Hy. Chlorine isn't a scientist, and she's not QUITE as barking mad as you."

"Of course," Mercury said. "And my offer to give YOU an extension on life still stands."

"Thanks, but one lifetime is enough for me," Uranium said modestly. "And if I got involved in your 'Weird Science', Moly would kill me anyway."


	27. Sunflower Screen (Potassium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jun-2016; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[all sunflowers](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

Potassium had gone for a walk on a day off. She had literally wandered far afield into a wide field of sunflowers adjoining Phosphorus' farm.

 _It's so beautiful out here,_ Potassium thought, _with the sunlight and the fresh air filtered through the flowers. I'm so glad that I left the city behind for this life..._

But then, she paused and looked around. And then, she took out her phone, unlocked it, and frowned.

 _I am COMPLETELY lost,_ she thought, _and my phone has no signal. And these sunflowers are so thick that my body might not be found until autumn._


	28. The Plot Sickens (Electrum, Pewter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[in the age of unfolding](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> It's not easy being a Type-A _tsundere_ with an overactive imagination.

Electrum sat at a cafeteria table and watched the other students milling about and socializing.

 _I hope Steel-sempai notices me today,_ Electrum thought. _She might notice me if that darn Terne weren't OBVIOUSLY trying to take her from me! ...Ooh, and there's Iridosmine, dressed like me, and she's even copied my hairstyle. She's OBVIOUSLY MOCKING ME!!..._

Pewter walked up with her lunch and sat down across from her best friend. "Whassup, Ellie?" she asked cheerfully.

Electrum held her poor head in her hands. "They're ALL OUT to GET ME," she whimpered.

"Ellie?" said a worried Pewter. "Please seek professional help."


	29. Variable Lifetime (Francium, Rubidium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jun-2016; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you have fixed my life— however short](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains data-processing humor (as if fan-fiction of anthropomorphic chemical elements weren't nerdy enough). Reader discretion is advised.

Francium was debugging some data. She wasn't a full-time programmer, but she often debugged spreadsheet-macros and data-scripts.

 _Ah, there's the problem_ , she thought. _This variable was incorrectly reinitialized... There. Now it's returned to its parent function..._

_...where it gets DEALLOCATED? Oh NO! How very CRUEL!..._

—

Rubidium knocked at Francium's door, and was concerned to see her in tears at her terminal. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked.

"The poor little `standardized_coefficient`," Francium sniffled. "I did everything I could to extend its lifetime, but..."

"If you're this upset over a named variable," Rubidium said gently, "please don't ever play a video game."


	30. Backspace (Iron, Vanadium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jun-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[here's where gentlemen avert their eyes](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains partial nudity and suggestive humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Vanadium was uncharacteristically nervous as she entered the massage-therapy room within her salon. She had a big new client— both figuratively and literally.

Iron was lying face-down on the (fully-extended) massage table. Only her waist was covered. _Look at that long back and those broad shoulders,_ Vanadium thought. _It's a good thing Zinc and Nickel talked her into an extended session._

"Please try to relax and enjoy yourself," Vanadium said as she applied oil to her hands. "I'll start with your shoulders."

"Alright," Iron said.

Vanadium did a first tentative glide and paused. "You NEEDED this, hon," she said. "I've never felt so much tension."

"Mmm," Iron agreed reluctantly.

"We have to loosen these knots in your muscles. This might pinch at first, but then it should feel REALLY good. Take a deep breath for me? Aaaaaand here we go."

Iron grimaced. And then, to her embarrassment, she involuntarily let out a deep shuddering moan.

"Please don't worry about that," Vanadium said reassuringly. "You would not believe some of the sounds I've heard in here."

"Thank you," Iron said. "I must say that I haven't made a sound like that in YEARS."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Vanadium said sincerely.


	31. Not In The Card (Boron, Potassium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Jun-2016; angst; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the enemy sketched out in promise and pen](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after "[Coulomb Explosion](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/16200293)" and "[Basic Medium](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/15392026)."
> 
> This contains AAAAAANGST. Reader discretion is advised.

A nervous Boron was visiting Potassium on her birthday. "What's wrong, Bo?" asked Potassium.

Boron handed her a birthday card. "This is from your mother. She begged me to give it to you."

Potassium reluctantly opened the card. It contained a generous gift-certificate and a short note:

_I'm sorry. I love you and miss you. Please call me._

"I think she's finally had a change of heart," Boron said gently.

Potassium abruptly tore the card and the gift-certificate to shreds.

"TOO BAD," Potassium growled. "I HAVEN'T."

Boron respected Potassium's feelings, but felt like her own heart was torn apart.


	32. Warehouse Funhouse (Lead, Steel, Terne)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[brother lead and sister steel](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This could be either a prequel or a sequel to "[Forklift Off](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6604894/chapters/16397356)."
> 
> This contains off-screen slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Terne had dragged Steel along on a visit to Lead's onsite warehouse office. Lead and Steel chatted while Terne wandered off again.

"I appreciate your keeping Terne company," Lead said. "I'm grateful that Terne is interested in the family business, especially since Pewter has other interests. But you would not believe how much mischief Terne gets up to when she's here by herself—"

Lead and Steel suddenly overheard [a very long, very loud crashing noise that ended with the sound of an empty bucket falling over](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-EgaAIA2BM&t=0m9s), followed by Terne's childish laughter.

"I think I could believe it," Steel said nervously.


	33. Burned Out On Fires (Cadmium, Vanadium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[all around her, the world is burning](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

Vanadium was chatting with Cadmium while massaging her firefighter's muscles. "How's work been?" Vanadium asked.

"The engine needs maintenance and the station needs repairs," Cadmium reported, "but instead, the city is trying to cut our pay and benefits while the state is trying to bust our union. I spend more time 'putting out fires' than actually putting out fires."

"Do you still have any fun on the job?" Vanadium asked hopefully.

"Well, I rescued a kitten from a tree last week," Cadmium said.

"OOH! A KITTY!" Vanadium squealed.

"It was SO CUTE while it was clawing my face," Cadmium noted.


	34. Cereal Number (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Jun-2016; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[bury the dead where they're found](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> Based on [recent events](http://usat.ly/28J5jh3). Mercury gets out-weirded for once.
> 
> This contains general weirdness. Reader discretion is advised.

Mercury had spent the night at Chlorine's place. Chlorine kept more regular hours than Mercury, and so Chlorine had awoken first.

Chlorine gazed upon the still-sleeping Mercury with a sweet smile. _She's so lovely,_ Chlorine thought. _I could watch her sleep all morning..._

_...or I could see how many Cheerios I can stack on her._

—

Some time later, Mercury awoke to find Chlorine stacking cereal all over her body. "...Chloe?" she asked nervously.

"DON'T MOVE!!" Chlorine said. "You're not allowed to move until I use up the whole box of cereal and take pictures."

"Yes Ma'am," a submissive Mercury said.


	35. Freedom From Information Act (alt Neodymium, alt Praseodymium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jun-2016; humor; 200 words. Alt-universe.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the dark level of not knowing](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is my own alt-universe characterization of Praseo as Groucho Marx. I'm also writing Neo as Chico to Praseo's Groucho, but with Harley Quinn's "Noo Yawk" voice instead of an Italian accent.
> 
> I don't have any objections to Praseo's [canon angst](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/15383713), but I'm a fan of the Marx Brothers and of "[Lord Julius](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebb9saQJrGw)" from the _Cerebus_ comic. And _Metall/u/rgy_ is an "open-source" fandom, and there is [precedent](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6271540) for alternate characterizations.
> 
> This takes place in the recent past, before Praseo was somehow elected as mayor (possibly because no one else wanted the job).

Praseodymium was publicly declaring her candidacy for mayor. "[If you think this city's bad off now, just wait 'til I get through with it!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSsUoxlSADk&t=0m49s) And now, if the press has no questions—"

Neodymium stood up. "Hey boss? I gotta question."

"I was afraid of that," Praseo said. "OK, you there in the cheap seats."

"Whatcha gotta say 'bout da ally-gations of improper financial relationships?"

"You can find my complete financial disclosures [in the bottom of the filing-cabinet in the lavatory with the sign on the door reading "Beware Of The Leopard"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTNuldPhP20&t=4m7s). If that's all—"

"Hey boss?" Neo said. "I gotta question."

"Is there an echo in here?" Praseo said. "OK, you there in the peanut gallery."

"Whatcha gotta say 'bout da ally-gations of impromper personal relationships?"

"IX-NAY. ON. THE. ICKLE-NAY!!" Praseo hissed. "IF THAT'S ALL—"

"Hey boss?" Neo said. "I gotta question."

"And I'VE got SUCH a HEADACHE," Praseo said. "OK, you there with the stars in her eyes."

"Whatcha gotta say 'bout da ally-gations of impromper relationships wit' da press?"

"You ARE my sister," Praseo said, "but you were also the ONLY reporter who showed up for my announcement."

"I had nuttin' better ta do today," Neo said casually.


	36. Yours And Iridosmine (Electrum, Iridium, Iridosmine, Osmium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Jun-2016; horror?/humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[The hunter dresses like his prey. They fall in love](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place shortly after "[Refining The White Gold](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6091591)." Poor little Electrum doesn't stand a chance against this family.

Iridosmine had revealed to her parents that she had been dressing up lately for Electrum.

"Isn't she Gold and Silver's daughter?" Osmium asked. "You're aiming awfully high, sweetie."

"I know," Iridosmine said. "But she's smart, funny, and beautiful... and she's also _tsundere_."

" _Tsunderes_ are the BEST!" Iridium cried. "It's so much FUN to strip away their emotional defenses!"

"I KNOW RIGHT?" Iridosmine said. "I LOVE it when they're no longer able to hide their true feelings!"

"Go get her, sweetie!" Osmium said enthusiastically. "Make that high-class _tsundere_ YOURS!"

—

Electrum suddenly felt a cold chill and a sense of impending doom.


	37. Out Of Line In Line (Mercury, Uranium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jun-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a new folklore of terror](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

Mercury and Uranium were waiting for lunch in a very long slow line at a sandwich shop.

Mercury checked her phone and gasped theatrically. "OH NO!!" she lied. "MY EXPERIMENT HAS GONE HORRIBLY AWRY!!"

Everyone else in the sandwich shop immediately ran away screaming.

Uranium frowned at her friend. "That was manipulative of you, Hy."

Mercury shrugged. "It used to hurt my feelings when people were frightened of my work. But since that's how it is, I might as well use it to my advantage."

"You HAVE cleared the queue," Uranium noted, "but you've also scared away the 'sandwich artists'."


	38. A Final Act Of Kindness (Gold, Lead)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jun-2016; general; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I recognized my world for a kingdom of death](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3202948.html)" prompt.

A worried Gold had called Lead during a break from theater rehearsals. "Lead dah-ling? Did you get the tickets that I sent?"

"Yes," Lead said over the phone. "Thanks very much. Tin and I are looking forward to seeing you on stage."

"I have a favor to ask," Gold said. "I have a dramatic death scene in the final act, and your seats are next to Silver's seat..."

"And you want me to see Silver through it?" Lead asked. "Of course. Anything for our Silver."

"Dah-ling Silver would not admit it," Gold said, "but she will be grateful for your comfort too."


	39. That's A Wrap (Lead, Steel, Terne)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[improper use of machinery could lead to utter catastrophe](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Japanese game shows](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JACK_zi6wgU).
> 
> This contains silly and somewhat perverted humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Terne had talked Steel into more warehouse shenanigans. Steel stood on a platform while a multi-armed packing machine wrapped her tightly in clear plastic from shoulders to ankles.

Steel helplessly wriggled in place. "Oh my... This is kind of fun."

Terne walked up to her friend and teased her. "I've got you exactly where I— WHOAH!!"

The machine restarted and wrapped Terne tightly against Steel face-to-face.

"Oops," said Terne. "Well, this is awkward."

"Do you think Lead will be angry with us?" Steel asked.

As if on cue, Lead walked up— and burst out laughing.

"Maybe not," Terne said hopefully.


	40. A Chlorine Of Doubt (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[science is a horizon to reach for, not a prize to hold in your hand](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote [_A Salmon Of Doubt_](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Douglas_Adams#The_Salmon_of_Doubt_.282002.29).

Chlorine was spending the night at Mercury's place. She awoke in the middle of the night, shuffled into the kitchen, and found Mercury working on her laptop.

"Is that one of your personal projects?" Chlorine asked as she peeked over Mercury's shoulder.

"Yep," Mercury said without looking away. "I had sudden late-night inspiration for improving my weather forecast simulations."

"Your dedication to meteorology would be commendable," Chlorine said, "if I didn't know that you have impending deadlines on THREE of your PAYING consulting jobs."

"I love deadlines," Mercury said. "I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."


	41. Billboarded Up (Aluminium, Scandium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[faded pictures, bleached by sun](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A worried Scandium followed Aluminum into her office. "The good news is," Scandium said, "the faded and peeling billboard facing the office was finally replaced."

"And the bad news?..." Aluminum opened her blinds to see a billboard-sized picture of a sexy Gold.

With a pained smile, Aluminum closed her blinds. "Scandium?" she said through clenched teeth.

"Yes?" Scandium squeaked.

"Please get the sexiest-but-still-legal picture of me from my portfolio, and then buy advertising space next to Gold's mansion."

 _Poor Gold and Silver,_ Scandium thought. _I wish I could have a giant sexy picture of Aluminum next to my apartment instead._


	42. Up To Bats (Nitrogen, Oxygen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[we slept with the windows wide open](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

Oxygen was visiting with her sister Nitrogen in her beloved camper-van.

Nitrogen noticed that the windows were open. "Don't you have any screens?" she asked.

"Nah," Oxygen said. "I like to sleep with the windows wide open."

"Don't you get flies and mosquitoes inside your camper-van?"

"Yeah," Oxygen said, "but the spiders take care of 'em."

"But then, don't you get SPIDERS in your camper-van? That's even worse."

"Yeah," Oxygen said again, "but the bats take care of 'em."

Nitrogen was a veterinarian, and she was not easily frightened by animals. However, she decided to stop asking questions at "bats."


	43. Dream Home Maker (Nickel, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a place shaped like the girl you love](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.

Nickel found Zinc tweaking a 3D model of a kitchen on her laptop. "That doesn't look like Aluminum's office building," Nickel said.

"When I need a break," Zinc said, "I like to work on this model of my 'dream house'."

"You mean, Copper's dream house?" Nickel said slyly. "Let's see her bedroom."

Zinc obliged her. "Don't expect too much, Nicky. I'm not an interior decorator."

Nickel's eyes widened. "Oh wow! It's beautiful, Zee! It's like a princess' room."

"Do you think Copper would like it?" Zinc asked nervously.

"If she DOESN'T," Nickel said, "rent it to me and Chro instead."


	44. Doesn't Matter, Had Sex (Bismuth, Vanadium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Aug-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[and we are in bed together, laughing, and we don't care about anything](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor (duh). Reader discretion is advised.

Bismuth was visiting with Vanadium after returning from a lengthy tropical vacation with Antimony.

"I've always wanted to visit the tropics," Vanadium said. "How was the resort where you stayed?"

"Unfortunately," Bismuth said, "the weather was unusually cool and rainy. We hardly left our room."

"Oh?" Vanadium bit her lip. "I'm sorry, hon."

"Not at all, dah-ling," Bismuth said. "We saved our money and had 'quality time' together instead."

"Oh?" Vanadium said again. "Do tell."

Bismuth sighed happily. "It was a marathon of uninhibited sex and naked snuggles with room service."

"Now I REALLY want to go," Vanadium said eagerly.


	45. Lost At CEO (Aluminium, Nickel, Scandium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Aug-2016; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> Dammit Aluminum.

Aluminum was treating Scandium and Nickel to lunch. (Iron had declined Aluminum's invitation.)

Aluminum noticed a lovestruck couple at a nearby table. "Y'know, the 'party life' is starting to get old," she confessed. "It'd be nice to have someone special who truly loved me like that..."

Scandium and Nickel sighed in perfect unison. "What's wrong with you two?" Aluminum asked.

_If I can't find the courage to confess to Aluminum soon,_ poor Scandium thought, _I'm gonna go CRAZY!!_

Nickel knew about Scandium's feelings. _I wonder,_ Nickel thought, _if Lead and Silicon are also as clueless as Iron and THIS idiot!!_


	46. Architect Her (part 1) (several)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Aug-2016; drama; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Everything will be all right in the end. So if it is not all right, it is not yet the end](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Copper was chatting with Platinum at the end of another shift at the computer lab.

"You and Zinc have been together for several months now, right?" Platinum asked. "It must be serious."

"Yes," Copper said shyly. "She's on site at Aluminum's new office building now, but this evening, we're—"

Copper's mobile rang. "'Scuse me, Plat. Hello? Yes... oh... oh. Thank you. I'll be there as soon as I can."

An obviously shocked Copper lowered her mobile. "What is it?" Platinum asked.

"That was Scandium. Um, she works for Aluminum," Copper stammered. "There was an accident. Um, Zinc will probably be OK, but, um, they took her to the hospital..."

Platinum stood up and held out her hand. "I'll drive."

—

Nickel and Iron were poring over paperwork when Iron's desk phone rang. Iron answered it with a frown. "Yes?... Yes... What!?... OK. I'm on my way."

She stood up after hanging up. "Zinc was admitted to the hospital. It might be serious. Coming?"

Nickel also stood up. "Of course."

—

Silver was home alone and working in her study when she got the call.

 _Poor Zinc,_ Silver thought as she left for the hospital, _and poor Copper. But they won't be alone._


	47. Architect Her (part 2) (several)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2016; drama/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[journeys end with lovers meeting](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3229023.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

By the time Copper and Platinum arrived at the hospital, Zinc had already been examined. They found her surrounded by Scandium, Nickel, and (to their surprise) Iron.

"They're releasing her soon," Scandium said to Copper and Platinum. "She took a heavy blow, but she was wearing a hardhat, thank goodness."

"I'm sorry I spoiled another date, sweetie," Zinc said to Copper.

"Don't be silly," Copper sniffled. "It's the best day ever because you're alright."

Iron, uncomfortable with Copper's tears, stood back. "I think I'll head out. Zinc? Get it TOGETHER, would you?"

Zinc giggled. "I never thought I'd hear that from YOU. But thanks for coming. Really."

Iron gave her best friend an awkward thumbs-up, and then darted out of the room.

Silver walked in. "Hello everybody. Gold said she sends her love."

Then a frantic Aluminum appeared. "Is she OK!?" she demanded of Scandium. "Are you OK!? Am I OK!?"

And then, Steel and Terne appeared, Steel narrowly missing Iron (to Zinc's relief). Steel rushed to Zinc's other side, and Terne was unusually serious. "Lead sends her best wishes," Terne said.

"Really?" a touched Zinc said. "I wasn't expecting THIS much concern."

"You've earned it, Zee," Nickel said sincerely.


	48. Over-Extended Dance Mix (Krypton, Neon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[banana problem](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.

Neon was having a good night at the club. She was dancing in place behind her decks, losing herself in the music.

"Neon!?... Neon!!... NEON!!"

She paused, cued a full track, pulled off her headphones, and turned to a worried Krypton. "What's wrong?"

"You've been mixing over the same high-energy drum-fill non-stop for almost three hours," Krypton said.

Neon turned back to the dance-floor to see completely exhausted club-patrons staggering and collapsing.

"I'll have to be more careful," Neon thought out loud. "Not everyone can endure extended exposure to my genius."

"With great power," Krypton said solemnly, "comes great responsibility."


	49. Tsundere Bolt (Electrum, Pewter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Sep-2016; humor/romance?; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after "[I'll Have You Soon, My Pretty!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/16729978)" (Pewter, your common sense and logical thinking have no place here.)

A disheveled Electrum took her home-room seat next to Pewter. "Are you OK?" Pewter asked.

"Yes," Electrum said. "I ran into Iridosmine again outside the restroom, and... well..."

"Ellie, you've got to put a stop to this!" Pewter cried. "She's practically assaulting you!"

"It's not like that!" Electrum said quickly. "I mean, she can be quite pushy, but... well..."

"But WHAT!?" Pewter said angrily. "At the VERY least, she's making you uncomfortable!"

"It's OK, Pewter. REALLY," Electrum said. "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'll be alright."

"Are you sure?" Pewter asked. "She's taller and stronger than you, and she's not taking 'NO' for an answer."

Electrum began to blush and fidget. "Well... the truth is... I've never actually said 'NO'."

"Wait— do you LIKE her!?" Pewter asked. "If you LIKE her, why are you RUNNING AWAY from her? Why don't you just tell her to slow down, and then ask her if she's serious about you?"

"S-stupid Iridosmine!" the _tsundere_ Electrum stammered. "It's not like *I* care what she thinks!"

Pewter face-palmed, and then silently resolved to talk to Iridosmine herself. _Iridosmine needs to slow down,_ Pewter thought, _but she also needs to know what she's getting herself into._


	50. Communication Breakdown (Aluminium, Beryllium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Just some Beryl silliness inspired by a recent [anonymo/u/s green text](http://archive.loveisover.me/u/thread/2134363/#2140851) (from a discussion of amateur radio).

Aluminum checked her mobile after a late-morning meeting and found a text from Beryllium:

 _y u no answer phone_ ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

"Why YOU no GROW UP?" Aluminum muttered as she checked her voice-mail:

"ALLIE!! Why aren't you on your 'walkie-talkie'!? We've gotta decide on lunch! BYE!!"

"OH FOR!—" Aluminum opened her satchel and pulled out a hand-held two-meter amateur-radio transceiver.

She gave Beryllium's call-sign and her own. Beryllium didn't reply. "Where ARE you!?" Aluminum grumbled.

"I'm RIGHT BEHIND YOU, you FOOL!! O-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!"

Aluminum turned to find Beryllium doing her best [_oujo-sama_ laugh](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE1XLrdwAAuCK3by6bEHzFN1yTjxTYHD1).

"I think you're already 'out to lunch'," Aluminum declared.


	51. The Naked City (alt Praseodymium, Rhodium, Ruthenium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Inspired by a recent [anonymo/u/s green text](http://archive.loveisover.me/u/thread/2134363/#2147775). (Exhibitionism in the setting seems to have become a running joke.)
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"We need to do something about rampant exhibitionism," Praseodymium said to Ruthenium and Rhodium. "Our great city is becoming a laughingstock. Given how coarse modern political discourse has become, that's really saying something."

"We could form an executive task force—" Ruthenium said.

"—and 'investigate' the problem ourselves," Rhodium said.

"I'm not sure," Praseo said reluctantly. "And by 'I'm not sure', I mean that idea terrifies me."

Rhodium licked her lips suggestively. "Just think of all those naked women—"

Ruthenium rubbed her hands together evilly. "—who need some DISCIPLINE."

"It'd be easier if I just resigned from office now," Praseo noted.


	52. Miss Diagnosis (Chlorine, Mercury, Zirconium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Sep-2016; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[This time, for sure!](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.

Chlorine had taken a mildly ill Mercury to Zirconium's office for an examination.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Zirconium asked kindly.

"I looked up her symptoms on the Internet," Chlorine said, "and I think she has cancer."

Zirconium sighed. "Well, let's not jump to conclusions—"

"Are you sure it's not a tumor?" Chlorine asked worriedly.

"[It's NOT a TUMOR](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ucfgdFrlho&t=0m36s)," Zirconium said firmly.

"If you ask me," Mercury said calmly, "I think it's lupus."

"[IT'S NOT LUPUS!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bueW1i9kQao&t=1m19s)" Zirconium yelled.

"If it's not cancer, and it's not lupus," Mercury said, "then it's OBVIOUSLY Gwort's palsy."

_I need a drink,_ Zirconium thought.


	53. What Friends Are Made Of (Technetium, Steel, Terne)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Oct-2016; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[let's assume we're friends](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place during the second chapter of "[Lifesaver](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5762629)."
> 
> This contains extreme D'AWWW. Reader discretion is advised.

Steel and Terne were exercising alongside Technetium during one of her physical-therapy sessions.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Technetium said. "I'm not the same person that I used to be." 

"Sure you are," Steel said. "Your artificial limbs don't bother us, if that's what you're worried about."

"But parts of my BRAIN were replaced too," Technetium said. "I'm literally not my old self anymore."

Terne suddenly hugged Technetium. "...this feels like Techy to me. What do you think, Steel?"

Steel also hugged Technetium. "...yes, this is definitely Techy."

"You two haven't changed either," a happy Technetium said.


	54. It's The Great Pumpkin, Astatine (Astatine, Palladium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Oct-2016; horror?/humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[carving pumpkins](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote a classic [_Peanuts_ cartoon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRGkEDADmRU&t=1m31s).

Palladium and Astatine had picked out a pumpkin for Halloween. Astatine had drawn a smiling face on it with a marker.

"OK, that's where we'll carve the face." Palladium picked up a kitchen knife and plunged it into the pumpkin.

Astatine gasped. "Y-y-you didn't t-t-TELL me y-y-you were g-g-going to k-k-KILL it!!" she stammered.

Palladium was watching her knife instead of her girlfriend. "It's OK, sweetie," she said as she cut out a lid. "Just pretend we're cooking it."

And then, Palladium reached into the pumpkin and pulled out a handful of pulpy "brains."

Astatine passed out.

"...oops," said Palladium.


	55. Grand Designs (Mercury, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Dec-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[we won't compromise on the things we love](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3272715.html)" prompt.

Mercury and Zinc were discussing "business" over lunch.

"So, what do you think?" Mercury asked excitedly. "Can you design a business complex for me that will rival Aluminum's offices?"

Zinc reviewed Mercury's proposal. "You want an eleventy-story building with fire-station poles instead of elevators, blanket-forts instead of offices and cubicles, and a swimming pool on every floor for Chlorine?"

"Yep," Mercury said. "I want only the best for my future meteorology-and-mad-science empire."

An amused Zinc played along. "OK. We should be able to construct this in A GAZILLION YEARS."

"Works for me," Mercury said. "I'm immortal, and I can wait."


	56. How How (Aluminium, Scandium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Jan-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I want to be in love with you but I don’t know how](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[How How](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H20DEfIdZsk)" by Yello.

Scandium got off the elevator on the floor where she worked. She paused to check her mailbox, the department's billboard, and the section's dry-erase board en route to her desk.

After sitting at her desk, she checked her mobile for personal e-mail and texts, her laptop for company e-mail and IM client messages, and her desk phone for voice-mail.

And then, Aluminum walked up. "Good morning, Scandium," she said. "Don't forget our general status meeting this morning."

Scandium watched her boss and crush walk away. _If only there were a way for me to communicate my feelings_ , she thought wistfully.


	57. Make Up, Make Out (Chlorine, Mercury, Uranium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Aug-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[But I'm not one of those with a resentful temperament. I have a quiet heart](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Uranium and Mercury were walking to Chlorine's restaurant. "How are things with Chloe?" Uranium asked.

"Actually," Mercury said cheerfully, "we had a BIG fight yesterday!"

"Um, Hydra?" asked Uranium. "Isn't that a BAD thing?"

"Nah," Mercury said as they entered the restaurant. "Neither of us hold grudges. We'll be having make-up sex sooOOMPH!!"

Chlorine ran up, jumped and glomped Mercury with all four limbs, and sent them both to the floor in a passionate embrace.

"I'll leave you to it and get lunch at the sandwich shop, then," Uranium said.

Mercury gave her friend a thumbs-up from somewhere underneath Chlorine.


	58. Selfie Stick 'Em Up (Palladium, Platinum)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[but stand before me, if you are my friend, and spread the grace that's in your eyes](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place in the recent past, awhile before Palladium (and Platinum) finally got a clue.

Palladium was showing Platinum some pictures on her mobile.

"Here's a selfie I took side by side with Asta," said Palladium. "It captured her personality perfectly."

"Um, Palla?" said Platinum. "Asta looks like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming box truck."

"Like I said," Palladium said with a smile. "It captured her personality perfectly."

"Point taken," Platinum said. "But I also notice how tightly she's clinging to you."

"She was just anxious about having her picture taken," a clueless Palladium said dismissively.

"Yeah, that's probably the only reason she did that," an even more clueless Platinum agreed.


	59. Contract Contact (Iron, Nickel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[over the eyes night's black slumber](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Nickel knocked at the open door of Iron's office. "Iron? Have you signed the... Iron? Are you OK?"

Iron had fallen asleep at her desk. She was slumped forward with her head resting on her arms.

 _She'll hurt her back if she keeps doing that,_ Nickel thought, _but at least she's getting SOME sleep... Oh good, she signed the contracts._

Nickel tried to pull the papers from under Iron's arms. Iron grumbled, grabbed Nickel's wrist, rested her head on Nickel's arm, and fell asleep again.

 _I'm always glad to 'give my boss a hand',_ Nickel thought, _but this is ridiculous._


	60. A Fair Copper (Copper, Zinc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Aug-2017; humor/romance?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[for me neither the honey nor the bee](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Would you like to go somewhere this weekend?" Zinc asked Copper. "We could go to the park or the beach."

"I'd rather not," Copper said timidly. "I don't like to spend time out in the sun. I burn too easily."

"A fair point," Zinc agreed. "I'm an indoors woman myself. Still, we could both wear sunscreen."

Copper made a face. "Eww. I hate wearing sunscreen. I think I'd rather burn."

"Oh?" Zinc said with a smile. "Wouldn't it be fun to rub it all over each other?"

Copper blushed so strongly that she looked as if she were already sunburned.


	61. El Sobrante Fortnight (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[in ten years the world will have changed](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[El Sobrante Fortnight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL7BYfDQTlA)" by Les Claypool And The Holy Mackerel.

Mercury jumped onto Chlorine's bed and shook Chlorine awake. "CHLOE!! I've made an amazing scientific discovery!!"

"Again?" Chlorine asked through a yawn. "Why do you always make your discoveries late at night—"

Mercury excitedly shook Chlorine until her eyes swirled. "When I've finished my work, it will CHANGE the WORLD!!"

"OK, OK! I get it!" Chlorine said with a patient smile. "How long will you need to finish it?"

"Somewhere between two weeks and a decade," Mercury said.

Chlorine stared at Mercury, and then she childishly hid under her blanket.

"We can talk about it tomorrow morning," Mercury said cheerfully.


	62. Gold Substandard (Aluminium, Gold)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[almost gold, almost amber, almost light](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Aluminum reluctantly answered an unwanted call on her personal mobile. "[Hello, GOLD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98dai6CC5BA&t=0m6s)."

"How are you, DAH-ling?" Gold asked without wanting to know. "I just wanted to thank you for substituting for me at the charity fashion event last night after I had to cancel."

"You're WELCOME," an unwelcoming Aluminum said.

"It was most kind of you to model the outfits that had already been selected and tailored for me," Gold said.

"Anything for CHARITY," Aluminum said through clenched teeth.

"But I could not help but notice," Gold said smugly, "that all of MY outfits were LOOSE around YOUR chest... Hello?"


	63. The Evening's Young (Helium, Neon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Oct-2017; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I have a taste for the evening. I have indulgence for the dawn](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[The Evening's Young](https://vimeo.com/30477502)" by Yello.
> 
> I'm assuming He and Ne are living together, or at least sleeping over regularly, by this time.

Neon was awakened by the smell of microwaved food, and then, by the sight of Helium sitting on her bed and holding a plate.

"A breakfast burrito?" Neon said eagerly. "Thanks very much!"

"Actually, it's just a burrito," Helium said modestly. "And actually, it's 5:30 PM."

Neon had already devoured half of the burrito. "That's early morning for me," she noted.

"I just got off from work," Helium said wistfully. "I wish our work schedules matched up."

Neon finished the burrito, and then hugged her girlfriend. "How about morning snuggles?"

Helium returned her girlfriend's embrace. "Any time," she said happily.


	64. Girlfriend Glow (Astatine, Palladium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Oct-2017; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the dark ate at you](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place in the near future of the canon timeline. Happy two-year anniversary to the _Metall/u/rgy_ project!

"Our two-year anniversary is coming up," Palladium said to Astatine. "I know you're not an outdoorsy person, but you seem to enjoy our family picnics. Shall we rent a cabin by the lake for the weekend to celebrate?"

"As long as it has running water," Astatine said nervously, "and electric power, and Internet service..."

Palladium giggled. "We wouldn't be 'roughing it'. Still, it'd be nice to get away from it all, and spend time together in the warm glow of a fire..."

An embarrassed Astatine began to glow.

"On the other hand," Palladium said, "we might not need a fire."


	65. Valentine Overtime (Antimony, Bismuth)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Nov-2017; humor/romance; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Valentine's Day is over](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Antimony found Bismuth exercising in a brightly-colored sports-bra and spats that matched her hair. "Bis? What brought this on?" Antimony asked.

"Your hand-feeding me Valentine's chocolates," Bismuth said in-between stretches. "I'm not getting any younger, and I was already gaining weight."

Antimony hugged her lover. "Since this is my fault," she purred, "let me give you a much more enjoyable 'work-out'."

"Sex burns only about seventy calories on average," an amused Bismuth said.

"OUR sex isn't average," Antimony said. "I'LL make you SWEAT until you DROP."

"Annie dah-ling?" Bismuth asked nervously. "Are you trying to help me or KILL me?"


	66. Teary Angstmas (Lithium, Sodium)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Dec-2017; angst/humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[first Christmas without you](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This takes place after "[Coulomb Explosion](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/16200293)" and "[Basic Medium](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6683338/chapters/15392026)."
> 
> This contains AAAAAANGST. Reader discretion is advised.

Lithium and Sodium were exchanging gifts by the Christmas tree. "What should we do about the other gifts?" Sodium asked.

"I'll have Caesium's, Rubidium's, and Francium's gifts delivered," Lithium said, "since I intimidate all of them. And as for Potassium's gifts, I'll put them into storage... until..." She trailed off.

Sodium timidly gave her a side-hug. "Will you be alright, Mother?" she asked.

"Of course, dear," Lithium lied. "Run along. I know you have plans with Iridosmine. I'll freshen up, meet Polonium at the bar, and drink heavily until I forget my many regrets."

"Oh," Sodium said. "Um... have fun?"


	67. The Madness Never Stops (Chlorine, Mercury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[immortal on land and on sea!](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This probably takes place in the near future of the canon timeline.
> 
> This contains adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Mercury had offered to share her immortality with Chlorine, but she was also trying to explain the dangers that immortality entailed.

"How dangerous can it be?" Chlorine said. "I know you wouldn't do anything that would put us, and our relationship, at risk."

"Physically, it's perfectly safe," Mercury said. "But the problem is, the human brain wasn't designed for more than a human lifetime.

"If you become immortal with me?... Sooner or later, BOTH of us will go MAD."

Chlorine gave her lover an "oh, come ON" look.

"Well," Mercury admitted, "in our case, that's not much of a change."


End file.
